love at home

We  have a little wall-hanging that has the sayi ng, "The smile of someone you love is like sunshine in the house."  That is so true to me.

I love Troy's smile.  I love the wrinkles and crinkles around his eyes.  I love his countenance when he is happy.  It truly warms my whole soul to see him finding joy in life. 

Why do I love seeing him happy?  ...that is something to think about.  Part of it is probably that I am grateful to be a part of his happiness.  Making others happy, makes us happy in return.  In general, people are more attractive when they are happy so that is an additional reason I'm sure as well.  Life just feels right when he is happy.  Things are well and nothing could make it any better other than continuing the moment for eternity.   When there is happiness in our home I know that our children will receive the best care and all goodness needed to establish their confidence and provide a strong and secure foundation for the rest of their lives.  We're here to be happy, to find true joy.  When Troy smiles, I find joy.

happiness is

Another thing I love about Troy is what a great dad he is to our children.  I love seeing him with kids in general but especially our own.  He loves to play and make them happy.  I love how he gets them smiling and giggling and then cracking up.  Seeing them enjoying life for a few moments is  wonderful things in life.  I love seeing their interaction and watching them build trust and love for each other.

I look forward to watching his relationship with each of them develop as they grow.  And although it is in the distant future, I also look forward to seeing him with our grandchildren.

the stay-at-home

I work outside the home.  Not something we really expected or wanted, but it has been what we've done pretty much since we were married.  I am really grateful that Troy is there to handle most of the "stay at home" parent stuff.  I don't need to worry about being there for the Sears guy to check the washing machine.  Taking the kids to the orthodontist or dentist is typically his deal.  And Troy handles making sure the kids are home safely and everything is under control.  As much I miss some of the good stuff, I love Troy for handling the every day business of home life so I don't need to be concerned.  I am 100% confident he is on top of it.

happy wife = happy home

Like many others, there are two sides of myself that seem often to be at odds against each other.  The side that wants things in general: a bigger dresser for the kids, a counter height dining table, that pretty skirt, or just going out to eat so I don't have to worry about cooking or cleaning.  Then there's the side that is frugal and saves and watches the pennies.  The frugal side typically wins out.  The lifetime percentage of winning is probably around 85% to the frugal side. 

However, these past couple years the desire side has found a way to win out a lot more.  All I do is tell my husband I like something  (not even WANT) and whether it is in the budget or not, if there are available funds it will be mine.  Although I give Troy a hard time about this (due to my frugal side), I do love that he notices and tries everything in his power to do and provide things that he believes will make me happier.

I have to be careful, though.  I mentioned to him when I was pregnant the last time that Sunny Delight was a small craving.  I also mentioned that I loved Milky Way bars.  The next day he came to my office with 2 cases of Sunny D and a 24 count box of Milky Ways.  I had so much, I had to share with everyone so my whole office was spoiled.  They still remember those days. :)  What a great guy.

squishes and smiles

Okay, I admit it...I can be a little uptight sometimes.  I get caught up in the hustle and bustle, the hurrying to get places, the motions.  It often takes a concious effort on my part to relax and enjoy life. 

We went to the ward temple dinner tonight, and the wait after dinner was unsurpassed.  (The Salt Lake temple is closed for cleaning.)  So we finally got to sit down in the chapel that was completely full and Troy squishes himself next to me.  Then he squishes even closer and then again even closer to me.  I almost got squished into the person next to me.  It was good for me, though.  All I was thinking about was getting into the session and this little thing Troy did made me smile and enjoy the moment we had to sit next to each other and just be. 

I love Troy for the way he reminds me to smile.

deep down

You know what I think is strange?  How a person can go through life with the same brothers and sisters, the same mother, and the same father, but when it comes to staying with the same spouse they think that is miraculous or even ridiculous.  No one chooses their siblings or parents and yet they stand by them.  They get angry, yes.  They get bored, yes.  They may even think, "wow, I wish I had a mom like that!" (or sibling, or dad).  Yet through it all they don't once think of seriously severing these relationships.  They know, deep down, they love their family and they would do what it takes no matter what to be there when their family needed them.  They know, despite the arguing, or disagreements; despite the clash of personalities they love something even deeper about their family. 

I've noticed couples where one person is bored, they want a divorce.  Or one person has so much built up anger and bitterness so they want a divorce.  They see another woman or man and think to themselves, "Wow, I wish I had a wife/husband like that!" so they want a divorce.  They say they have fallen out of love.  They say it's too late to get things healthy in their relationship again.  They say it's just not how they thought it would be.

I'm confused that even though we have no choice into which family we're born and we're often significantly different in personalities and other areas, we still love and maintain relationships with our family.  But when it comes to our marriage partner, for whom we diligently searched, tested waters, meditated about, and conciously decided this is the person I want to spend my life and eternity with we all of a sudden feel justified in deciding to get a divorce, because this wasn't really what we bargained for.

Whatever!

I understand that a spousal relationship is unique from any other familial relationship in several ways.  But isn't that all the more reason to maintain the relationship?

I could go on about this, but it's getting late.  I will simply say that I love Troy because we can have disagreements and still be able to joke with each other.  We can even be bored at times, but still be confident in each other's love and commitment.  We know there is something deeper than all that stuff that we love about each other and that will hold us together forever.

sunshine

Can you love and hate something about someone at the same time??

I love how friendly Troy is with everyone he meets.  He enjoys making people feel important and valued.  He will compliment a lady on her dress, or a guy's nice car.  He knows that making people feel important allows them to be comfortable around him.  Experience has taught him to more easily survive in this world the more friends you have the better. 

I really do and always have loved this about him.  How could this be something I would hate as well?  Honestly, I don't hate it at all anymore.  But when we were newly married and he would talk to complete strangers in such a friendly manner, strangers that seemed to be more often than not women, I took this as him flirting with others and felt it was a reflection on me indicating he was not happy with me. 

That could not have been farther from the truth.  The happier Troy and I are with each other and with our relationship, the more able we are to be happy with others.  Amazing, huh?  When the home is happy the rest of the world is easily cheered.  So when I see Troy being confident and considerate with others, I know that we're doing alright.

change

When we found out Troy was going to be deployed, with an estimated departure date and everything, I was sick for a week.  I mean, I went to work, but was literally physically sick.  Every now and then the reality of his deployment hits me.  I haven't been sick over it since we found out, but often a feeling of sadness will overwhelm me and my eyes have teared up before I realize what is going on.

For instance, today at work there was mention of a person that was currently on deployment.  A minute later I became concious of my watery eyes and began rubbing them, trying to act as if something in the air had irritated them.  The thought of him leaving is .... awful.

Let me clarify here that I'm not really complaining.  Yes, I'm scared.  I know how hard it will be.  I know how much I'll miss him.  I know it will be hard on the kids.  BUT, I am sincerely, honestly, truly, actually, and genuinely grateful to feel this.  It may sound like a cliche, but I love to love Troy.  There was a time in our marriage that this would not have been the case.  A time when I was filled with so much bitterness that I would not have cared much at all.  So I love Troy for putting up with me through the hard times and sticking with me when I really wasn't being the best wife.

new horizons

So Troy & I are very different people.  Absolutely anyone who knows us will agree wholeheartedly and will likely go so far as to say we are opposites in many if not most respects.  There is truth to the saying that "opposites attract."  I've seen it, the movies portray it, and it is romantacized.  However, in real life when opposites do come together it is not as easy as the movies make it out to be. 

It is truly wonderful to have this type of relationship.  But it can be the most frustrating thing at the same time.  We fit so well together and clash simultaneously.  We open new, brilliant worlds to each other, and concurrently grate on each other's nerves for doing things so differently than we would do.  It is beautiful and strange; exciting and aggravating; exhilarating and tiring all at once.

Today Troy took me shooting at a gun range.  Not something I would have ever been into on my own.  But you know something?  I really like it.  (as long as I have really good ear protection - which Troy makes certain of)  I love Troy for showing me new worlds, however different, and their individual and particular beauty. 

Maybe calling a love for shooting firearms a beautiful new world is a bit goofy to you.  I won't apologize for it, though.  The small things added up become the summation of what we each call....our life.  There is so much more he has opened my eyes to that I will go into in future posts.  But today, it's shooting, cuz that's what we did and that's what I'm thankful for at this moment.

First of all...

What I fell in love with is not what most people think.  I usually get the whole, "Let me guess, he made you laugh, right?"  That really wasn't it for me.  Although, I may save that for another day. 

The real kicker was how Troy cared for everyone and anyone at any time.  We could be on the way to something important, but if he saw someone on the road that needed assistance and he thought he could help, he would pull over and do whatever it took.  He has not changed, except now he does consider the safety of our family and will not put us in danger for anything.  He still continues to help strangers and friends, and more than just on the road.  His nature is to help those in need. 

That was what I saw and that is what I still admire and love about him.

By way of introduction

Troy & I have been married 15 years ... our 16th anniversary is coming on soon.  We're told he will be leaving for the Middle East late this summer.  I suppose the thought of his imminent departure that will separate us and divide our family for a year has me thinking lately about our relationship and what I take for granted.  He was gone for about 5 months 3 years ago for basic training and half that time we could only communicate via snail mail.  Believe me there were some pretty gushy letters. I'd rather not wait till he's gone this time for my appreciation of all he is to be expressed.

It is more than that, though.  In general, I do not show my feelings.  Well...let me re-phrase that.  I don't often speak the things I feel.  I'm sure much of what I feel is expressed on my face.  It is not necessarily that I do not want to show people how I feel; it is more that I feel unable to verbalize many feelings.  Words do not come at the spur of the moment for me.  And when I force the words to come out, they seem simply inadequate. 

So the point of this blog is: to express my gratitude and love for my husband in a more meaningful and possibly more accurate way than normal.  My personal goal is to publish as often as possible the things I love about my husband, something unique to him or our relationship that I am so thankful for before he leaves.  I also hope that if others happen to take a look at this blog, they will feel more love for their spouse as well.

There may be side notes and sarcasm along the way.  If it bores you, I won't be offended, but try it out.  Who knows, maybe some things I think really are worth something?  (Did I mention there may be sarcasm?)