change

When we found out Troy was going to be deployed, with an estimated departure date and everything, I was sick for a week.  I mean, I went to work, but was literally physically sick.  Every now and then the reality of his deployment hits me.  I haven't been sick over it since we found out, but often a feeling of sadness will overwhelm me and my eyes have teared up before I realize what is going on.

For instance, today at work there was mention of a person that was currently on deployment.  A minute later I became concious of my watery eyes and began rubbing them, trying to act as if something in the air had irritated them.  The thought of him leaving is .... awful.

Let me clarify here that I'm not really complaining.  Yes, I'm scared.  I know how hard it will be.  I know how much I'll miss him.  I know it will be hard on the kids.  BUT, I am sincerely, honestly, truly, actually, and genuinely grateful to feel this.  It may sound like a cliche, but I love to love Troy.  There was a time in our marriage that this would not have been the case.  A time when I was filled with so much bitterness that I would not have cared much at all.  So I love Troy for putting up with me through the hard times and sticking with me when I really wasn't being the best wife.